Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Waste of a Franchise

You know, I don't blame Art Modell for moving the Cleveland Browns. He must have been psychic or something, because if he knew that this is what the Browns would've amounted to over the past decade and a half, I would've moved them too. And quite frankly, I don't know why anyone in their right mind (Al Lerner) actually wanted to bring the Browns back to Cleveland. They became an expansion team in 1999. They've been in 'rebuilding mode' ever since. 11 seasons, two seasons above .500, zero playoff victories.

Zero playoff victories.

You have to try damn hard--I'm talking Al Davis hard--to go 11 seasons without winning a damn playoff game. And yet 11 is a low number. There's not a chance in hell this team is competing for a playoff berth for AT LEAST the next three seasons (and that's being mighty generous).

I thought when Randy Lerner actually took three seconds away from his beloved English Soccer team to hire Mike Holmgren to run the show that we might actually be going in the right direction with the franchise. Now, either I was completely drunk off my ass to think that, or I was blurred by the fact that he's taken two bad franchises and led them both to the Super Bowl. Hell, if he can turn about those pathetic Packers and Seahawks teams into Super Bowl contenders, he can surely do it with the Cleveland Football Browns, right?

Aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I'll give him credit. He started out alright. He (supposedly) brought in a smart GM guy in Tom Heckert. He gave Cribbs a few dollars to stick around in Cleveland for at least the next three years. He made some smart off-season moves by bringing in Seneca Wallace, Tony Pashos and Scott Fujita. He got rid of that douche Derek Anderson.

Everything was going good. Moves were being made, and as a Browns fan, you'd look at the moves and say 'hell, those aren't bad moves. I don't wanna jump off a cliff after those moves.'

Then, in typical Cleveland Fucking Browns fashion, things started going downhill. First, Holmgren tosses Jake Delhomme $7 million a season over the next two years. (He didn't wanna pay Cribbs $7 million over three seasons, but he'll give Jake Delhomme $14 million over two seasons? Oh, ok.) Indicating that Jake would obviously be our starting QB for the 2010 season.

Obviously that meant that Quinn would be gone. Again, people, I never thought Quinn was the long-term answer, but he was never given a fair shot. Sure enough, we trade Quinn away. Now, I don't mind trading Quinn, as long as we get more than a twinkie and a gallon of milk for him. Knowing Mike Holmgren is running the show, I figured we'd get something halfway decent.

Aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

We got a 6th in 2011, a 5th or 6th in 2012, and a WHITE RUNNING BACK. I'll wait while you figure out who the last halfway decent white running back in the NFL was.

Time's up. There's never been one.

And if that wasn't bad enough, less than an hour later The Sammich Man trades away arguably our best linebacker (also a former 1st round pick not long ago), Kamerion Wimbley to Oakland for a 3rd round pick. That's nice.

So in the past two and a half years, the Browns have now traded 1st round picks in the form of Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow, Brady Quinn and Kamerion Wimbley in return for garbage, trash, Eric Barton, a white running back and what will undoubtedly be a player that can't even crack the practice squad.

But hey, look on the bright side. We got like 64 draft picks in this years draft! One of them will be a decent player. And he'll be traded in three years for a future 4th round pick, a water boy, and a Chicken Gordita Crunch.

Ahh, the life of a Cleveland Browns fan. It's similar to the Lamb Chops Play Along theme song...it's constant bad moves that never end....it just goes on and on my friends.

Hey, at least we got the Indians Cavaliers.